Cut the Drama, Obama!
Let me ask you a question that I want you to answer out loud, no matter where you are – even if you’re a Trappist monk or nun, in the middle of the monastery library:
In general, I find that the question will lead to one of two answers:
- I don’t know. I guess I don’t really deal with it. But, I suppose I’d rather not, given the choice.
- Ugh! I hate drama!
If your answer was something like the former, you can stop reading now. Or, if you know someone whose answer would be the latter, you can keep reading. Whatever, ya know? No drama, Obama.
Number Two Answerers, this blog’s for you…
Dealing with Drama [Magnets]
Being the parent of an incredibly talkative and friendly child means I’m often put in the position of *gasp* talking with other humans. Because this life of mine has been thus far carved out with a scalpel, I like to maintain a certain degree of control over who I allow into my life. Mostly, I do this to avoid the types of huge mistakes I used to make. (Seriously, they’ve been big. My wife never lets me forget them.)
So, I’ll start looking for positive indicators. Here are a few examples…
1. Physical Sickness
Talking about how sick they, their child/children, their spouse/partner, whole family, sister, brother, mother, father, anyone-they-know-of-significance has been, recently.
Image © frenky362 / bigstock
Don’t get me wrong. I have the occasional sniffle. Sometimes my relatives get the flu. It’s just that I don’t talk about it. Why? Because I know it will pass. Someone’s sick? Big deal. I’ve been sick? Well, if I’m still sick, I would be at home. If I’m no longer sick, then why would I talk about it? It’s like talking about my frosted-tips phase during teenage years. It’s no longer relevant, and a memory I’d rather not draw back to the fore.
2. Mental Illness
Different to common colds and influenza. Usually, this is a relative or an ex-love interest.
Please don’t think I’m heartless. I’m not condemning mental illness by any stretch of the imagination. Nor am I condemning the sharing of burdens if you connect with someone. BUT! There are two types of people affected by mental illness (not counting the obvious primary one). One is the person for whom mental illness is an unfortunate aspect of their life, but have enough pluck to not let it truly impact their existence. The other is the person that may as well be undergoing treatments themselves. If a stranger is talking to me about it, the perceived part it plays in their life is too large.
3. Being in a Rush
“I’d love to stay and chat, it’s just that I’m actually in quite a rush.” “Ugh! I’m in such a hurry today. I’m backlogged at work and the boss is really riding me.” “I’ve got so much to do, today!” Etc.
First time meeting, and that person is in a rush? Might be nothing. See that stranger around town and they’re still in a rush? Probably an indicator of drama magnetism. This one I don’t mind so much – mostly because they are in a rush to get away from me. So, it works out.
4. Not Being in a rush
“…I just wish I could do the things that I used to be able to do, or that someone was out there for me, because my good-for-nothing-daughter won’t come and look after me and my parents are telling her all sorts of hateful words about me, and I didn’t do anything wrong, they’ve just never liked my partner, and sure, he’s knocked me around a couple times but really it’s not is fault because he’s got a gimpy leg and it gives him hell all night with restless leg syndrome and that of course keeps me awake so I’ve developed both insomnia and narcolepsy…”
This is definitely the worse option when it comes to drama magnets and how they spend their time – and unfortunately, much more common. They’d like to tell someone about how miserable their existence is. If you’re a potentially sympathetic person, it’s like the spiny mouth of the fly trap has just snapped shut on your ass. Because, you’re too polite to cut the conversation short.
5. Severe Relationship Issues
Breakdowns with husband, parent, children, best friend, colleague, etc.
Hey, we all have rocky points, right? No relationship is smooth sailing the whole way. After all, it’s the storms that show us what our ships will stand. But the person to whom you should not be talking about this is a stranger you met at the playground, and with whom the only thing you have in common is the relative age of your offspring.
There are, of course, other +DI’s (that’s the fancy way of abbreviating “Positive Directional Indicators”) to look out for, but these are the big ones.
Avoiding the Dramatic
So, all you folks out there – and I mean the folks who answered #1, because this advice does not apply to answer #2’ers – who want to avoid drama magnets and their issues, please be on the lookout for these +DI’s. If you start to get “the feeling”, flat out ask them, “How do you feel about drama?” If they give anything like Answer #2, find some reason to leave – quickly. DO NOT give out personal information. (No calls, no pop-ins.) Because, let me tell you, they’re called magnets for a reason. But, they don’t so much attract drama as create it. So what are they attracting? Actors. Without actors, they can’t put on their production. There can be no drama.
There are roles to fill. Just don’t let one be you.
Stop the Drama!
Now, for you poor, poor answerers of #2… I know. It’s not your fault. It sucks. It’s not the way I say it is. You don’t create it! It comes to you!
Image © Dean Drobot / bigstock
Have you ever gone shopping for a car? Done some research on the ones you want. Finally whittled it down to the car that you want to get. Don’t you start to see that car everywhere, all of a sudden? Going for walks, wouldn’t you pick that car out of a line-up of 20 similar cars and be able to say to your friend, “Hey, that’s the car I’m thinking of getting.” All of a sudden, that car is in your frame of reality and it’s everywhere. Especially if your intention is to possess that car.
This is called the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, or “frequency illusion”. Energetically, whether you like it or not, you’re in a habit of putting out the vibe that says, “Give me drama, because that’s what I’m expecting.”
Covering how to get rid of this vibration will take more space than this post will allow, but here’s step one: Admit it. Look at your life. Realize that you’ve been the creator of it, admit it to God, the cosmos, the universe, the quantum field, or whatever you want to call that Higher Intelligence all around you. Admit it to that presence that knows the truth about you intimately (and still really digs you, anyway). Admit that you’ve done it, and that it’s no longer serving you. (Because, all the rest of us are trying to avoid you.)
Recognition is key.
Expect changes, and be thankful in advance.
Header image © Nicoleta Ionescu / bigstock
the #selfmastery life wheel
you want the life they say you should have, but you have no idea how to get it. no problem. start here. i'll show you the rest.
© DANNY ZOUCHA
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED