Can He Change? Will He Change?

by | Oct 4, 2016 | Relationships

Here’s the situation: I was on my morning walk, connecting to the earth, being thankful, and generally being a zenned-out hippie, when a conversation started behind me betwixt two females. It went a little something like this:

All names have been made up because I don’t know what their names were in the first place.

Kerry Shaa’PING
You will never believe what Leroy Buggins did last night!

Jackie Trax
No!

Kerry Shaa’PING
He did. And he said that I just needed to get over it, because this was just who he was! So, that was it. I said, ‘Get your sh*t and get the f*ck outta here!’

Jackie Trax
Good for you! He’s done it too many times. You deserve better.

Kerry Shaa’PING
Yes. Yes, I do, Jackie Trax. Preach.

The Conclusion

So, things are going in the right direction. I listen on, and after about 10 more minutes of walking and subtly eavesdropping (‘cause privacy is for people who decide to air their dirty laundry at home) I get the distinct feeling that Kerry Shaa’PING was going to be joined by Leroy Buggins within 24 hours, back at the playhouse.

Which begs the question, “What, are you an idiot?”

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Leroy Won’t Change

There. I said it. I’m casting complete and utter doubt on Mr. Buggin’s ability to change. Why? Because Kerry is not holding him to any standard higher than treating her like crap and then letting him waltz back into her life. That’s it. That’s the standard. She might as well have put an ad in the paper:

WANTED:
Dickhead who will treat me like crap.
Accommodation provided.
No pets.

(Oh, and by the way, in the time that you’d kicked him out the crib, he’d found another squeeze and got busy. And, you can’t say nothin’ because you’d technically kicked him out, and for all he knew, broke up with him.)

(I don’t literally mean, “for all he knew” because of course he knew that you’d take him back. But your temporary break-up is his Get Out of Jail Free! card.)

Mindset

Carol. Carol Dweck. Legendary author and general kicker of ass. She wrote a phenomenal book in which she details the two mindsets: Growth and Fixed.

So, in order for Leroy to change, he needs to be of a Growth Mindset, and I will bet my left elbow that he’s not that. Why? There are many reasons, but I’ll sum it up: He’s a jerk who treats people like crap.

Totes scientific, right?

But that’s it in a nutshell. See, the history speaks for itself. Leroy had obviously done this before, as was evident by the eavesdropped conversation. She’d obviously called him up on it, and he’d obviously done it again, regardless. Plus, he said the motto of the Fixed Mindsetted: “It’s just who I am.”

Get Your Sh*t

No, not Buggins. You, Kerry. Babygirl, it’s time you moved on. Get outta that house. Get outta that environment. You need a fresh start, and to realize that in order for things to change, you must change.

Can you hear me talking? You.

You’re Kerry.

You bet your sweet, no-decent-man-havin’ ass I did.

Mind = Blown

You know that if you relate to this, you gotta change something. Make that something you. For serious.

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